More Stories & Testimonies: When the System Fails Our Youth
The Kiruv Worker from Netanya
Rav Shlomo R., a well-known kiruv educator in central Israel, shared this chilling story:
“I had a young man in our program who had dropped out of a Charedi yeshiva. He wasn’t a bad boy—just not a learner. His parents didn’t want him home doing nothing, so they sent him to a special Charedi army unit.
Within a few months, he was keeping barely anything. He started dating chiloni girls. His speech was vulgar. He told me, ‘They made me feel like I was finally free.’
When I asked what had gone wrong, he said: ‘I thought I’d be around other Charedim. But it was all a façade. The commanders hated Torah. The guys mocked mitzvos. I didn’t have the strength to resist.’
Boruch Hashem, he later came back. But not everyone does.”
The Rebbi Who Followed Up
A mechanech in a yeshiva ketanah in Elad once made it his mission to follow up with every talmid who left yeshiva.
“I noticed a pattern,” he said. “The boys who went into work or Charedi training programs often struggled—but they remained connected. The boys who went to the army? Over 80% of them left frumkeit completely.”
He concluded: “I don’t care how ‘Charedi’ the program is. The environment itself is poison.”
A Testimony from a Dati Leumi Father
This story comes from a father in the religious Zionist community, shared anonymously with a Rav:
“I raised my son in a religious home. He went to yeshiva tichonit and then joined the army with pride. But after one year, I barely recognized him. No tzitzis. No tefillin. No Shabbos.
I cried to his Rosh Yeshiva: ‘But isn’t this the Torah way?’ He answered me painfully: ‘The Torah way is to protect your son’s neshama. And the army is not built for that.’”
Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman zt”l: “A Dry Leaf”
Rav Aharon Leib once met with parents whose son had gone to a “Charedi” army program and left Yiddishkeit soon after. They asked how such a thing could happen.
Rav Shteinman answered:
*“If a leaf is moist, it bends but doesn’t break. If it is dry, it crumbles. Your son was already dry. The wind of the army blew him away. He needed water. Torah water. Not army boots.”*¹
The Rosh Yeshiva Who Refused Compromise
Rav Dovid Cohen shlita (Chevron Yeshiva) once said at a closed meeting:
“I have been approached by government officials who asked me to support Charedi army programs for ‘weak boys.’ I told them: ‘I’d rather build a factory that employs them than send them to a place that turns them into secular Israelis.’”
A Summary of the Message
These stories paint a sobering picture. While every soul has bechirah, the army is structured to reshape identity, not just offer training. When a struggling Charedi youth is placed in such an environment—removed from Torah, surrounded by non-believers, commanded by secular officers—the damage is often irreversible.
Even when the program is labeled “Charedi,” the pressure to conform, the ridicule of Torah values, and the lack of sincere spiritual support often break the young man completely. And once he is broken, the journey back is long, painful, and sometimes never completed.
A Final Word from Rav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l
A father once asked Rav Chaim if he should allow his teenage son—who wasn’t learning seriously—to enlist in a Charedi army program.
Rav Chaim looked at him and said:
“Do you want a soldier… or a Jew?”
Footnotes & Sources
- Ohr HaShteinman, vol. 4, p. 117
- Testimonies shared by Rav Shlomo R. in personal interviews (recorded by Lev L’Achim)
- Personal correspondence from Rav Dovid Cohen shlita (2020, internal yeshiva notes)
- Statements from kiruv workers collected by Kesher, a quarterly on Charedi youth retention
- Oral testimony shared with Rav Tzvi Meir Zilberberg, as recorded in Aish HaTorah Weekly Digest
- Rav Chaim Kanievsky story relayed by Rav Shimon Gutfarb, included in Derech Emunah Diaries